Post trip blues

When we were travelling several people gave us advice on dealing with the post trip blues. Apparently it’s quite common to get depressed when all the constant change and stimulation comes to an abrupt end. Several bloggers have written eloquently about this problem, Emily Chappell in particular really lays it bare in this post. So I was on my guard when we settled back down, braced for signs of any downward spiral of emotions. I was just beginning to juggle with the contrasting emptiness of life after travel and the realisation of the enormity of what we had achieved when my Mum died. Suddenly our whole post trip experience stopped in its tracks to be replaced by the turmoil of grief, loss, guilt and dealing with funeral arrangements.

The biggest obstacle to going on our ride in the first place was always leaving my Mum. Although she was very well looked after in a lovely care home, Gill and I were still her closest relatives geographically and her main regular visitors. I really struggled with the idea of not seeing her for up to six months even though other relatives promised to step in. Then there was her dementia. Her extreme short term memory loss meant that she might not even realise that we weren’t visiting. On the other hand, it also meant that I couldn’t share our plans with her and seek her approval. Something that saddened me a great deal as I feel sure she would have approved. It was a huge relief to visit her on our return and find that nothing had really changed and she was her usual smiling self. Sadly, that didn’t last and her health deteriorated rapidly just a few days after we got back. We had been home just 23 days when she died.

 

Always a smile

Always a smile

I always thought of our adventure as something huge and life changing. Maybe that is still the case but for now, at least, it doesn’t feel that way. Set against the loss of somebody that has been a key part of my life for the last 57 years, a bike ride, even a very long bike ride, just doesn’t seem terribly important. We met some great people during the five months we were away and almost certainly gained new friends for life. If it were possible to measure those gains in some way they would be substantial. Compare them though, against the combined weight of the loss felt by all the family and friends of my Mum and they don’t look quite so impressive. We gain friendship and love slowly. They are  acquired over years, even over a life time but they can be taken away in an instant.

Maybe, over time, the signifcance of my Mum’s death will fade and perhaps that of our trip will grow. As time adds depth to the friendships we made and the memories we created, perhaps the scale of what we did will come back to me. Or perhaps it won’t. At the moment I can’t help but feel a little bit cheated. Robbed of the sensation of achievement. But perhaps there is some compensation in what I have learned. Perhaps what really shapes us isn’t what we do or where we go. It’s who we love and how we love them and, of course, how we are loved. And as is so often the case, you only know it when you lose it. I would like to think that the friends we made over the last six months will, over time, help to fill the enormous hole that has been left in our lives. I hope I am right, because otherwise, it really was just a very long bike ride.

JFDI

There are various definitions of the acronym JFDI ranging from the polite (just focus and do it) to the obscure (Joyful Frog Digital Incubator) and of course to the more common one which you can work out for yourselves.

This morning it was freezing at 8am and although the sun was shining the forecast gave a high of 6c by mid-afternoon, so it was easy to think of all sorts of important things to do rather than go for a bike ride. Finally, at half past ten, having exhausted Facebook, Twitter and even the washing up those four letters popped into my head and it was time to stop prevaricating and JFDI.

Apart from being a bit chilly it really was a perfect cycling day. The image below says it all. If ever something should put a smile on the face of a cyclist it is the sight of a completely limp flag set against a blue sky.

Looking good for a bike ride

Looking good for a bike ride

It wasn’t a really spectacular or lengthy ride, just a pleasant jaunt on a wonderful winter’s day. There were moments that stood out. Like the one when a buzzard flew just ten yards in front of me screeching as it went. It made me jump then it made me gasp, then I considered briefly, and rather ridiculously, that it might be eyeing me up for dinner. It was a beautiful sight all silliness aside.

Tree

Tree

The model sheep made me smile as they always do. I just don’t understand why somebody would build a big house in the middle of the countryside, surrounded by fields of real live sheep and then decide that they need some stone ones on their lawn. Then again, there are lots of things I don’t understand. Like where the two twenty pence pieces that I specifically put in my shirt pocket had gone to when I came to pay at the toll bridge. Gill paid in the end so that worked out rather well.

Stone sheep

Stone sheep

Real sheep

Real sheep

We cycled about thirty mostly flat miles in the end but I ran out of body fuel after twenty five so the last five miles were rather a slog. Gill kindly pointed out that she had an energy bar in her pocket. About ten minutes after we got home!

Trees and Sky

Trees and Sky

After a quick shower and change of clothes we treated ourselves to lunch in a local pub. Which brings me to two pieces of signage that I saw today that I feel you should know about. The first one was on a van and it irritated me. It was advertising a car valeting service and said; “keeping your car mucky free”. Now I’m no expert, as you may have gathered, but that simply isn’t English. The second one was grammatically correct but amused me for other reasons. It was in the toilet at the pub and read; “We aim to keep these toilets clean at all times. If you have any concerns please speak to one of our team”. I went straight back to the bar and said; “Excuse me young man, your toilets are spotless but I’m a little bit worried about the state of the economy at the moment”. I didn’t really but the idea made me smile.

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